Meeting A New Friend (Karo, please)

[Alicia Elsdragon]

Timestamp: End of Spring, Era XIV

Alicia sat in the small and intimate eatery where she was meeting Karo. She had not met this man before, as far as she remembered, but Calairiel had spoken highly of him. She was nervous, in fairness, and she didn't know why, but the nervousness was slight in comparison to the deadness she felt inside. She sipped her Elven Tea and watched the entrance. She was early, she knew that, but she felt that it was appropriate for her to be so. She sat there, waiting, sipping but not tasting her tea and looking around without really seeing.

Even in a small and intimate place like this Alicia found it difficult to be around people. There were so many people everywhere, even in her beloved Silrosia that she did not know how she would ever cope. She sipped her tea and waited, hoping that he would come and wondering whether he too, in losing his loved one, had felt how she felt right now... or rather had failed to feel the way she currently failed to feel anything...

... anything at all, except pain and loneliness and a massive chasm where her life had once been.

[Karo Sa'Nepenthes]

It was not very hard to find the small place where Alicia had asked him to meet her. Karo had often whiled away an afternoon there himself, reading a book or discussing any topic imaginable with his brother or some acquaintance. Today, however, he was on a more sober errand.

Alicia was not very difficult to spot. Although he had never met her, there was only one patron that brightening who looked utterly dejected, lost and heartbroken, after all. It was with clouded thoughts that Karo approached her table, not sure himself exactly what had made him reach out to this woman. Had it been Cala's idea? His own? Was he seeking a kindred spirit to share in the misery of a broken heart, someone who could understand his own pain? Or was he seeking to be the hero yet again? Was he trying to save Alicia from herself, attempting to spare her the months and eras of black despair that he had himself gone through more than once?

Was he merely looking for a friend?

The Gods knew his list was short enough. Whatever his motivations, though, Karo was having a rare experience this brightening -- he did not know his own heart.

It was a wonderful way to get into an awful lot of trouble, very quickly.

But nonetheless, here he was, and it would not do for him to stand idly staring at Alicia from across the room. So he did the only thing he could do, under the circumstances. Walking slowly across the room, he stopped a few feet from Alicia's table, and spoke softly. "Arwen," he asked, as informally as he dared, "may I join you?"

[Alicia Elsdragon]

Alicia looked up, her face showing her surprise that someone spoke to her. But then she saw the elven man in front of her and she smiled slightly "Serale" she said, quietly and stood up herself. "I take it you are.. Karo?" she stumbled a little over the word, but she managed it "I am Alicia, and it would be my pleasure for you to join me"

She sat down, looking at him carefully as she spoke and she wondered what it was that she was doing "The... the tea is good if you wish. I... it's a pleasure to meet you, although its rather strange, truth be told" she looked up at him and smiled a genuine, albeit rather folorn smile

"So.. you know Calairiel?" she asked, grabbing on to the one strand that she had which she knew they shared, so she decided that this was the best topic of all and she waited to see what his response would be. Mist grey eyes watched him, not knowing what to expect, but glad for the company of another being.

[Karo Sa'Nepenthes]

Karo smiled his thanks for the invitation to join Alicia at her table. While meeting a new person might be exactly what Alicia needed, the tall elf knew that it was rarely easy, and that Alicia herself might have a different opinion on the matter. "Thank you," he said simply, taking the chair across the table from her.

Karo smiled himself in response to Alicia's questions. "Yes, I am Karo. It is a pleasure to meet you, though I suspect both of us wish it were under happier circumstances. I would be glad to share some time and some tea with you, if that is your wish."

After ordering his tea, another smile crossed Karo's face at the mention of Calairiel, although this smile was small and not completely joyful. "Yes," he said, "Cala is one of my greatest friends. I met her in Impreia, when I had just recently been appointed Governor there, in a bookstore, of all things. Since then, we have only grown closer, and I hope she considers me as good a friend as I consider her." Cala, perhaps, was not the topic Karo would have chosen, but as the connecting thread between him and Alicia, it was hardly a poor choice. Besides, Karo was here to try to help Alicia's wounds begin to heal, not to worry about his own, and if that was her choice of topic, Karo would happily go with it.

Karo looked across the table, and his intense green eyes met Alicia's misty ones for just a moment before he looked away. "But yes," he went on. "Calairiel sent me a short letter informing me of her brother's passing, and suggested that perhaps you could use someone to talk to. As I said in my letter to you, I have lost people very dear to me before, and so I think I have at least some small understanding of what you are experiencing." He smiled once more, sadly this time. "I know it is scant comfort, but I can promise you this: The pain will fade in time, unbelievable though it must seem to you now."

[Alicia Elsdragon]

Alicia listened and nodded as he explained his relationship to Calairiel and she wondered just howgood a friend Karo considered Cala, or hoped that she was. But she nodded as he spoke "Indeed, it was you that she was Lt Governer with, wasn't it?" she said, a vague memory falling into her mind as she considered that. Elle had named Imperia the capital of Arakmat, she recalled. Elle... she and Motito had had more than a slight falling out, Alicia considered and she smiled softly as she remembered Motito's description of it. It had been that, she thought, that was the final straw in Motito's political career.

She met his eyes and smiled "She's a good soul with a kind heart. He brothers death is something that I'm sure she felt very strongly, I'm pleased her husband is there to comfort her in this time" . The words sounded and felt like they were being spoken from a piece of parchment, like she'd learnt them by rote. She had no actual feelings insider her at this moment, nor at many others. She spent most of her time in Starshadow Manor, the home that Tito and she had shared in Diana, walking around the rooms and looking after the children and wondering what it was that she was going to do.

"Yes... you said about that. May I ask who it is that you've lost in your life? I.. I just wondered why Cala suggested that you and I should meet. I'm not sorry that she did, you understand" the young elf continued, mist-grey eyes watching him, "But I simlpy wondered what her logic was."

The pain would fade? Alicia doubted that sincerely. It led her to believe that this elf in front of her had never lost anyone as important to him as Motito was to her.

[Karo Sa'Nepenthes]

Karo nodded. "Yes, she was my Lt. Governor, and very good at it. I don't know what I would have done without her, but I'm sure it would have made my tenure even more disastrous than it turned out to be as it is. In many ways, she was the only thing that kept me sane."

At the mention of Calairiel's husband, Karo felt the familiar feeling of emptiness in the pit of his stomach. He knew that would go away, in time, just like everything else, but he really wished it would happen faster. He was getting tired of it. But he dealt with that in his own way, on his own time, and while the rocks and trees on his property might not be better off, Karo certainly was.

Keeping his face calm, Karo nodded and produced a cliche platitude of his own. "Yes," he said, "I am sure that Nimavel is a great comfort to her. She is lucky to have found such a love." He did not think anything had shown in his reaction, but the flat tone in which he said it was unavoidable. It was certainly a relief when Alicia chose to change the subject.

Not that the new subject was any ore good for Karo's peace of mind, of course. The elementalist winced slightly when Alicia asked him about his own losses. He had expected the question, of course, but actually being asked was a different issue. With a soft smile, he nodded. "I had a feeling you might want to know," he said. "I don't mind you asking, no. I don't like to think about it, to be honest, because when I look at the whole picture it begins to seem like I am cursed. I too lost a spouse, once, and much more recently I lost my fiancee. Twice, even." One corner of his mouth quirked in a half-smile at saying such a ridiculous thing.

"You see, my fiancee simply disappeared one day. There was someone there claiming to be a necromancer, claiming to have been responsible... I did things..." Trailing off, he shook his head, his green eyes returning from far away. "I did terrible things that I am not proud of, and I think I very nearly lost my mind. Then, somehow, miraculously, she was restored to me. Yet that reunion was short-lived, and she disappeared again. That was eras ago now, and I think this time she may well be gone for good. At the very least, I must tell myself she is, or go mad."

[Alicia Elsdragon]

She saw his wince, but she couldn't help but ask. She had to know, she knew that. She had to know how he knew. She had to know what it was that he had gone through. ANd so he told her. She watched him calmly, dispassionately almost as he spoke. Of course, there was nothing dispassionate about Alicia Gil'dae but in that moment she simply could not do anything that involved emotion for anyone else. She was too tired, too exhausted and too unable to do anything other than feel what she was feeling.

"I... gods, that sounds awful. To lose someone then get them back. It's funny, both of the Gil'dae brothers have done that to me... I suppose I must be a sucker for the quicksilver eyes. Char... my children's father... Tito's brother. He just left. And then Tito died... how do you do it? How does one ever get over it, Karo? IS there ever a moment when it isn't the first thing in your mind as you wake and the last thing in your mind when you sleep and all the other bits in between?"

She shook her head, not able to imagine a brightening when that would happen. She was certainly not sure that it ever would but here was Karo in front of her and telling her differently. She had to believe.

Or otherwise she would surely go mad. She knew that herself. Knew that she would lose her mind should this continue.

"Are you in love with Calairiel?" she asked, the question out before she could stop it. Why had she asked that? She thought he was, that was true, but it was his business not hers!

[Karo Sa'Nepenthes]

Karo listened attentively to Alicia, sipping at his tea now and then. Both eyebrows shot up and a slightly disbelieving expression crossed the elementalist's face at the final question she asked him -- the equivalent of someone with less control over his emotions crying out and leaping to his feet in shock.

Was he? Perhaps. But Karo wasn't about to completely open his heart and spill his troubles to Alicia, friendly though he was trying to be. "In love with her?" he repeated softly, reasserting his control and schooling his face back to a neutral expression. "An unexpected question, Arwen en amin. It would be very inappropriate of me indeed, were I to be in love with someone so obviously in love with the Heru Mynendil, and now his bride as well, would it not?"

That, of course, was hardly an answer, despite the heavy implication it represented, and Karo held no illusions that Alicia would fail to notice his subterfuge. She was quite intelligent enough, he was certain, to recognize a question being skilfully dodged when she heard it. She, too, was a politician, after all. No, instead, Karo merely imagined that she would take it for the polite discouragement of that line of questioning that it was intended to be, and the young elf Lord smoothly changed the subject to show her that no harm had been done, nor offense taken.

"To answer your other question, though..." He paused for a moment, thinking. "It's hard to explain, really. Let me first respond to what you said first. It was indeed horrible to lose my Tanya then regain her, only to lose her once more. Especially with the complications caused by her reappearance. But to return to your questions, I cannot tell you exactly how one moves on. Even looking back at my own losses, I cannot pinpoint any single day where I was suddenly free of pain."

"Now that I think on it, however, I think perhaps I can make a comparison. Such devastating losses are, in some ways, like grievous wounds sustained in battle. The heart is, after all, a part of the body, so it stands to reason -- at least in my mind -- that its injuries would share characteristics with those of other parts of the body."

"For a long time, your wound -- the pain of it, the worry over whether it will heal, the anger at sustaining such a wound in the first place -- yes, for a long time, it truly is all you can think of, morning and night. The pain sears through your very soul every time you try to move or otherwise use that part of you that was injured. It keeps you awake at night and hounds you every moment until you feel you are about to go mad from it."

"And yet, you truly do heal, with enough time and proper care. The pain fades. And while you can never really point to any one moment and say 'This is where I started to heal,' nevertheless healing does happen. The wound closes over, slowly grows smaller and smaller, and eventually, all you are left with is a scar." Karo's right hand idly traced a line along his leg under the table, presumably tracing one such scar.

"In that way, yes, the wound is always with you. You never forget what happened or the pain that it caused. But eventually, you really do heal. You learn to live with the pain until it fades, and one day you suddenly realize that it no longer hurts. That you are somehow, against all odds, whole again."

Pausing briefly, Karo leaned back in his chair with a sigh. "I'm sorry. I am, in may ways, nothing more than an old soldier who has seen more than my fair share of battles and death. I find it easier, sometimes, to frame things in that point of view, and forget that not everyone can relate to these things the way I do. It simple makes a bit more sense to me if I use that sort of metaphor. I hope I made it at least a little clearer for you. In case I confused things more than illuminating them, however, let me tell you one thing straight out in plain words."

"I can't tell you how long it will take, Alicia," he said, his intense green eyes finding her own gray ones. "But I can tell you that it will not be like this forever. You will find peace, one day. It is scant comfort, I know. But eventually the painwill fade away. You will never forget Motito, nor will you forget what he has meant to you, nor the anguish and despair you feel at losing him. But yes, there will be some day in the future when you are able to live your life free of the agony that right now is probably all you can feel."

"I have been where you are now, Alicia, and I know that there is nothing worse. Nobody who has not lost a spouse or fiancee can truly understand what you are going through right now, and even then only in limited ways. But there is a light at the end of the dark path you now find yourself wandering, that I promise you. And if you wish to walk that path alone, I will respect that decision."

"But if you want it, I am here to offer you my help. I am here to help you find your way through that maze of darkness and despair towards that light which is still too hard for you to see for yourself." Karo's eyes burned with some unnameable emotion as they bored into Alicia's.


...And then Karo realized how intense his words, voice and action had become. He smiled sheepishly for a moment, and his eyes fell almost shyly back to the table, and he buried his nose quickly in another sip of his tea to avoid any further embarassment. The intensity that had marked his speech was gone almost as quickly as it had come.