[Coldlight] I need a second chance, this time I'll get it right (Goss)

Valanthia L'Evienne · May 17, 2008, 12:48 AM

Timestamp: Kalendryas, winter era XV PF

Valanthia walked even more quietly than usual, if such a thing were possible, down the crystal hallways of Coldlight. She hadn't been here since the aftermath of the Zali'mau, and her feelings were still far too bruised for her to feel like running into any of the other Sanguine. Sisters-in-arms, comrades, they had been once and still were supposed to be, but that closeness wasn't in much evidence right now.

She was headed for the Mirror room. The girl hadn't discussed this particular visit with her bondmate; she was going to make it regardless of what he said anyway. It had been a long time since she had been to the Mirror last, and the events of that visit had played out in her mind hundreds of times. It was time, and past time, to confront Umbrosus the man again. Both Val's loyalty to the Sanguine and her emotional stability were by no means assured at this point, and although she had put this moment off on several occasions, she felt like she was close enough to a crisis point now to warrant facing up to the situation.

When she finally reached and uncovered the mirror, she withdrew a blade from the sheath on her left arm. It was not one of her Sanguine stilettos. In a deliberate gesture of ambivalence, Val selected the dagger that the spirit of Saint Bossa had given to her in the Carmena Ruins. The blade was of crystal, but the crystal was pure white, and the contrast with the materials of Coldlight could hardly be overstated.

The girl took the dagger and made a small incision in her palm, just enough to draw blood. Then she pressed it to the mirror's face and said, her voice a whisper, "Blood calls to blood."

Gossamer · May 24, 2008, 02:18 PM

It was never quite certain when or where the Sanguine would call to each other across time and space to reestablish lost contacts. Valanthia's record was as sporadic as the seasons since the third sun had disappeared. Her Virkyin companion couldn't even truly claim to understand what was in her mind and heart when she fiercely returned to Coldlight, dragging him with her without so much as a converstation or comment. He was getting used to it though, and as such his resentment was growing. The Virkyn was her unwanted shadow and a reminder of something she couldn't quite shake. And believe him, he so wanted to shake her. Not that it would do any good, it would simply justify her current actions and feelings... and so he said nothing, followed, and traversed the halls doing little to greet the other Sanguine they passed as he walked followed his mistress into the mirror room.

He made himself small, stretching out his snow white form against the dark black crystal of the wall. She was focused on his other self, the self it sometimes hurt him to see. And so he didn't look, instead opting to put his great muzzle down on his paws and wait. He always waited.

The Virkyn recognized the white crystal, but had gotten over his surprise at seeing it initially weeks ago. There was not enough crystal in the world, not anymore... not like in the past. He often wondered if the world would be better or worse for it?

And then the mirror swirled, Valanthia's voice rang out, and the mists through time parted. A study revealed itself, and its guardian as well. He was tending a pot of what appeared to be tea over a fire and she could see through the glass panes on the far wall that snow raged outside. The room looked chilled, and Umbrosus was dressed in heavy wools, keeping warm and working. When the mirror lit up, he turned, startled, and paused a moment. Then he sliced his own palm as he walked towards it, not hesitating to press it up against her own bloody palm, so they matched across the glass.

The sensation of pulling was somewhat familiar now, and suddenly warm flesh touched warm flesh and they were together in that half-way place of mist and nothingness. He looked down at her, concerned, his blue eyes warm. "Valanthia..." He said softly, then released her palm and stroked her chin. "You look well.... angry, but well. What's wrong?" He said softly. One never knew what sort of shadow he'd be presented with... they came across from all times, sometimes closer to the time he knew her, sometimes very far away like this visage. Each was the same, and yet each different... this one was no exception.

He waited, quietly.... wondering.

Valanthia L'Evienne · May 24, 2008, 02:49 PM

For a moment, Val didn't say anything. She looked up at the man, her body perfectly still. She hadn't dressed up for him this time; she was wearing the same blouse / jagged skirt combination that she usually wore these brightenings. It was a dark, subdued purple, and her shoulder-length hair seemed even paler than usual against it. She wore no makeup. The expression on most of her face was illegible, but in her gray eyes was a deep, naked pain that she couldn't hide. Not that she was trying.

"Umbrosus..." It occurred to her that he had called her by her full name, and that hurt her even more. "I...you and I need to...to talk, I think." Even more than angry, she sounded tired. "Things are...are not so well. All sorts of things. Between...between the Empire and its enemies...between the Sanguine themselves..." She stopped abruptly, uncomfortably, and looked downward. "Between...you and me."

Then she looked up again, and now the pain was supplemented by a certain amount of fire. "What good is it," she asked slowly, "to make promises to people who...who have no interest in whether or not you keep them?" It was enough of a leap that the connection between this comment and her previous statements might seem bewilderingly unclear; however, Val had always been prone to these sorts of leaps in conversation.

"I am...am in a place where the answer to that question is...becomes more important. More important all the time. I can't...I need a reason to go forward, Umbrosus. A good reason. And I can't find one in...in the places I feel like I ought to...well, to be looking." The dagger was still in her other hand; she wondered whether the man would recognize it, or the sort of uncertainty that it represented to her.

At any rate, what she had said so far was in no way very clear, and she knew that, but she couldn't think of anything else to add. Not yet. Instead, she held her gaze directly on his, intent to the point of being unnerving.

Gossamer · May 24, 2008, 03:08 PM

Valanthia came to him so infrequently, that each time she did so it was like a knife in his side. He'd see her, begin the mourning again, and only just start to heal before she'd appear again. He knew partners that spoke each cycle... sometimes more. He new pairs that celebrated birthbrightenings together, and were so close that it seemed the Sundering had never happened. But not Val. Not his other half. She pushed her way through the world with a ferocity and single mindedness that bordered on obstinate, self-absorbed in her own pain and somewhat oblivious to the rest of the worlds. Did she even remember the date he celebrated his birth?

No. He doubted she did.

Valanthia's world was all about Valanthia and her pain, her needs, her demands for explanations and comfort. Why did she ask such questions if she had access to the futures collective memory? Umbrosus waited, his snow white hair falling over his brow and in desperate need of a trim. His ice blue eyes were warm... how after all could he be mad at her? He didn't live her life or understand... could he? No... never. Because she didn't let him in. But this was a step... she wanted to talk.

Gods, the woman was just as frustratingly confusing in her death as she had been in her life.

"It's drawing to a close, Valanthia. I'll gladly talk, but I have no idea what you need to hear. All I can do is try. More and more less and less of us return. There are people on my side that haven't seen their other halves in eras... at least not the ones towards your future. Tell me, is there news? Will there be more Virkyn in the spring? It's winter there too, isn't it?" He asked, hopeful yet terrified of the answer. He didn't let his worry show though, keeping his well formed jaw soft in its strength and his face relaxed. Once he could melt ice with his smiles... now though, he barely had the energy to muster one.

"But... you... need a reason to... continue?" His confusion was obvious. Didn't she want to be whole? Didn't she care about the curse. "Valanthia, if I could I'd trade places with you. Let you stay here... let you rest. You were always better at managing things anyhow.... I still struggle with keeping the books. What's happened? What's upset you? You are here to talk, but I can't guess your end of it." He said, noting the raw pain in her gaze and not sure what it was he was viewing...

Valanthia L'Evienne · May 24, 2008, 03:30 PM

She gave the barest of nods. "Yes. Yes there will be...be more Virkyn in the summer." She felt like she ought to offer something else, but she had so little to offer. "It's...yes, it's winter here too. It's Kalendryas," she added lamely.

Then the hardness returned to Val. "Do you...do you know why I came back?" It wasn't a question meant for him to answer, but she let it dangle in the air for a moment before she went on. "No one made me. I didn't...didn't have to come back at the Sundering. But I...I did. I did it for us, for the Sanguine, sure, but not...not for some sort of abstract concept. I did it for...for my friends. For my father, whom I loved." Her voice quivered. "I did it for you. For us."

"The Zali'mau came, this past time." Now she was all ice. "It is to...to bring us together, you said. My sisters, those who ought to...to be my friends...you know what they call me? Vyssie...stinking vyssie. As if somehow, the taint that I carry is...is my fault, as if I had never been what I was...what I once was. And when I finally lost -- I think I could win next time, if I wish...I've got some more ideas...but I didn't execute well enough this time -- when Ailisah Davian wedged my head between her boots and the floor...she told me she wanted to rip my throat out...that I'm filthy and always was...that I carry the sins of my father...that it's all his fault." There was a time when she would have been in tears here, but instead, she was simply glacial.

"And you." The same coldness was now focused entirely on him. "We are...are bonded. I made you...made you more promises than anyone. You...we...we loved each other. I think. I mean...last time..." Her voice almost broke, and she shook her head violently. "You have given the gift you saved for me to another, and...I'm dead, I can't begrudge you that, much as it...it hurts. But I've...I've saved my gift for you, saved it...through eras and patterns and centuries...for you. But you...don't want it. You would have me...have me throw it to someone at random. If you...if you don't want my gifts...if you don't want me...why should I bring us...together again? Better a story with no ending at all than...one that ends in sadness."

She couldn't go on, not immediately, and so she blinked twice and stared at him. She did not move to touch Umbrosus.

Gossamer · May 24, 2008, 03:59 PM

Halfway through the onslaught.. her pain and anger, he caught some of what she wanted, and some of what she needed. There was a white crystal knife in her hand, but he paid it no mind as he caught her up in his strong arms and turned slightly, so his hand caught her exotic white hair and pressed her head into his shoulder gently and began to rock her like one would a child in need of a hug. He smelled of herbs and potions and faintly like vanilla bean even as he dipped his head and brushed his lips across her forehead as the hand cupping her hips against him trailed up to rest in the small of her back. The shape was different... different than the one he was used to holding... the one he remembered holding so often... but it was her, deep inside and he knew it.

"Is it so hard to say, Val? You did it for love... for all kinds of love." He said softly, still gently holding her, wary of the knife and of her own safety. However, he wasn't done... not by a long shot. "I did it for love too. But we didn't get to pick who would move forward, and who would be left behind. I wanted it to be me... but I understand why not it wasn't. But your wrong, Valanthia. You're absolutely wrong. We never withheld anything from each other. I never gave anything away you had first, nor was it given to a stranger. It was given to you... the you of how you are now... not to the women of my time. And when I did, I gave it so you could have life. There is a very good possibility that my blood flows in the veins of this form you're wearing... a very good possibility. And it flows there so there was something for you to be born into. Gods, Val... none of it... none of it I liked. It was what I had to do. But there's one thing I never gave away... never will, because its not mine to give..." He said all of this quickly, wanting her to understand... before she decided to show him what the inside of a Sanguine D'Tamlias looked like. White crystal could do that... in an instant. And with that, he caught her hair up more tightly and pressed her gently but firmly against his left pectoral... where his heart was beating heavily.

"Some gifts are a long time in coming, Valanthia... some have to come very round about ways. But they are still gifts nonetheless...." He said, gently letting her go... so he could look at her... look deep into her eyes. She might not understand. There might be no way she could... but he desperately wanted her too. All of it was for her, for brief moments like this....

Gods, he could smell her skin and thought her gray tinge beautiful, especially framed in the snowy whiteness of her hair. Even her eyes held the same color and he wanted... though he had no right... he wanted to touch her again.

Valanthia L'Evienne · May 24, 2008, 04:20 PM

For a moment, as Umbrosus held her, Val didn't fight. She let herself be embraced by him, and he would be able to feel her body shaking slightly. It was almost -- almost -- as beautiful and heartbreaking and right as it had been when he had kissed her before, during her last visit to the mirror.

And then she was away, trying to look him in the eye again. The dagger was still in her hand, but she had almost forgotten it. Certainly, she wasn't interested in doing anyone any violence, especially since she didn't know how that would affect her.

"As I said...I begrudge you nothing. If you...if you have something to do with my being here, then...then I thank you for that." Half of a sad smile momentarily surfaced on her lips. "But you're changing the subject. I can't...can't make that same sacrifice. I am for you...I was for you anyway...only for you. I can't...I can't be bought, or traded, or controlled...I can't be sacrificed to the higher good. That you would ask it of me...that you would tell me to give my gift away...the gift I've never given, not before, not since, not now, perhaps not...not ever...I can't even..." She closed her eyes. "...tell you how much that hurts...makes me wonder."

She opened her eyes again, and they were still full of emotion. "And what of...of my sisters? If they choose not to...to see beyond my mortal form now...why should I end our curse? It's...it's just that sort of narrowmindedness that...that got us into...into trouble before. And I can't give my life for...for something I don't believe in. For people who hate me."

The girl shook her head again. "If my...if my promises mean nothing...if they are not valued, if I am not valued, why should I keep them? I have...I do have another place. I'm Imperial Consul to Arakmat now...my sense of history is bad, so I don't know if...if that means anything to you or not. Milo -- you remember Milo? -- is my brother here. He...he is gentle with me." She was wandering now, and she tried to get back to where she needed to be. "I would do anything to keep my promises...if there was a reason for me to keep them."

Gossamer · May 24, 2008, 05:18 PM

He faced her pain and was uncertain in its onslaught. Bewildered the man stood and faced what he decided he had caused, though in truth there was nothing he could do to rectify it. "Valanthia, I'd change it if I could. I can't even give you ten minutes here, because you deserve far more. I could have, during the Zali'mau, but not now.... " He took a ragged breath, and spoke once more.

"I'm sorry you are in so much pain because of it, but I don't know how to do anything about it. It's noble... before the sundering, I thought you would be the mother of my children. I wanted that. We wanted a lot of things together, if you remember. Things changed though... they changed too fast and we were slow to adapt. It was everyone's fault and indeed no ones. But I will tell you one thing... you deserve to be a mother, you'd make a good one... and it'd give you something to focus your energy on, something to remind you why the future is so important." He didn't want their people to die. He didn't want any of the pairings to be separated forever.

Umbrosus looked thoughtful, getting his emotions under control. He was healer of the body, not of the mind. But he knew Valanthia was having a hard time being two places at once. They all did. She just didn't realize it made her feel so isolated, so alone... so at odds with the world. Valanthia had never before had trouble making friends, and it seemed odd to him that now the Sanguine... as she said... were acting differently towards her. He looked intently into her face a moment, and then said carefully. "I can't tell you why, Val. I can't be there and see all the sides. It might be them being cruel. It might be you as well having some issues making friends. All I know is that you cannot judge them for all their anger and pain too. They are half-souled as well." He said thoughtfully. He didn't have access to the future memories Val had of the past. He had no idea what she was saying or what the others were doing... but it seemed odd to him that the sanguine as a whole wouldn't welcome one of their own. Truth be told, he didn't know what was responsible for the gray coloring of Val's skin, having never seen a Vysstichi in his time. But it didnt' matter to him one bit. It truly didn't. She was his, and he stepped closer again... hopefully.

Valanthia L'Evienne · May 24, 2008, 05:47 PM

"Listen to me."

Val took a step back, not allowing him to get as close as he wanted. "Listen to me. You don't understand. You're not listening. I need you...need you to listen to me."

She took a deep breath, trying to settle herself enough to finish. "Whether you want that for me or not, whether you...you think I deserve it or not is...is irrelevant. It's my gift. I can give myself to you, but...but I am not yours to give. Don't you...don't you understand? I can't...I can't go on, not like this, not unless...not unless you really love me." She sheathed the dagger in a quick motion, and then her arms hung limply at her sides. "My father is dead. My friends...half-souled or not...have rejected me. Your love is...is all I have left of that world, and I don't...don't even have that. I would accomplish anything...anything at all...if I had a reason. I don't...I don't even know if you know me anymore, Umbrosus. There is...is a fire in me, and I would...I don't know if you know how much I would do. I'd keep all my promises, all of them, but...but I can't do it if I...if no one cares. Really cares."

She swallowed and looked away. "I think about...about leaving sometimes. If I can do no...no good here...I will do something else. It is...is within my power to move the Sanguine's efforts forward...tremendously...or to set them back by the same factor. Or to do...to do nothing." She left the statement deliberately obscure. "Or about crossing over...to see if I can find my father...to see if he, wherever he is, still...still wants me. So that someone does." A tear fell from her eyes, though the girl's voice didn't change. "Or devoting myself to my political job...to working for Milo. Forget that I ever came here, that I was ever anyone besides...besides Valanthia L'Evienne. Besides Val. You...used to call me Val, you know."

She looked up, and her eyes were full of tears now. "I was...was worried about my safety. My brother is a...a celebrity. And so I bought...I bought faked identification. Another name. Sometimes...if I don't want to be known, I'm Angel now. Angel Haema." She bit her lip, hard enough for a pinprick of blood to appear. "Angel Talasma Haema. I...I bought your name...the name that's carved into the rock where I'm resting in...in your time."

The girl's voice was shaking now, shaking enough that she could hardly get the last words out. "Why, Umbrosus? Why won't...won't you love me?"

Gossamer · May 24, 2008, 07:40 PM

He caught her hands in his, and even as she said listen.... listen to her... he drew her down and into his lap. She wouldn't remember... he doubted she would at least, but even as children she'd taken shelter with him thusly. Valanthia was always a sensitive child. Her entire family was filled with just enough mystic line to make her ultra sensitive to peoples emotions. He wondered if the truth remained the same even in her future, and it caused him bitter anger for a moment. Did they even train their mystics? Armbands, though he could feel them, meant nothing to him. They were a thing of the future he didn't know about... a detail not passed back to those that remained behind.

If she fought, he'd gently hold her there, letting her talk... hearing her. But he knew there was only one way he could answer her. Crystal... gods he loved the stuff and couldn't imagine how the future had gone so far from what they so needed currently. But Val always was resourceful. Black built things... made things stronger, reinforced by a Will, it could even become someone indestructable. White.... white revealed the Will. It gave insight into the heart and mind as only an adavanced mystic could. A mage knew how to use them... especially a healer like him. Bards were good at the vibrations the structures could produce, and made exceptional tuners... but any mage... even a simple healer like himself could use white.

"I hear you Val. And I'm honored beyond belief that you've taken my name... bought it as you've said... I've told you my feelings, and if you would access the collective, you'd know them to be true. But there's another way..." And he had the knife out of her sheath before she could protest. Her first thought might have been blood... he was going to draw blood. But he didn't. He simply grasp the white crystal dagger and with the hand that already had hers, placed hers on it as well. The crystal sang out, linking the two of them for a moment, and Umbrosus' love all but consumed her. He wasn't in love with an idea, a lost past, a dream... no... it was simply her. With all her passions and uncertainties... he was in love with her being, her soul, and they'd walked countless lifetimes together. Even now, he walked with her bound in fur. But he didn't hold her hand on it for very long... no... just long enough for her to feel the difference... the overwhelmingly intense emotion that the crystal channeled from one being to the other... he couldn't.

Because it channeled all her uncertainty, her sense of abandonment, her loss, even her feelings of shame.... .... and her overwhelming loneliness right back to him. The potency of her despair would have drove him to his knees had he not already been resting. "There's no need to find your father...." He whispered, lips against her forehead, his arms around her as she sat cradled in his lap. "You have me, and trust me.... he loves you very much... more than I can every convey in words..." He didn't stop there though. No, his hands were on her and he held her close to him, and dipped his head to kiss her again, this time unrestrained. He kissed her deeply, thoroughly, taking and giving as he demanded her attention, her reacknowledgments that she had heard him.... love. He kissed her with overwhelming love.

Truth be known, he wouldn't have stopped there. He simply didn't have it in him with her suffering so, and the only way he could think of to help her was to show her. But both of them could already feel the pull.... the sensation of being yanked back to where they belong. It wasn't taking them immediately, but it'd take them faster than they had truly time for what he had in mind.

He growled a very Umbrosus like growl of frustration, broke offf his kiss, and looked at her. He looked angry, though not at her... and frustrated, though again not at her... at their situation, and at himself for loosing his hard-won self control. Then he said the one thing that came to his mind to lighten his anger.... for he found it very hard to maintain anger....

"I like white hair on you... we make quite the pair, you know..." He said, linking his brown fingers in with her own slightly gray ones. Then he laughed with his eyes, laughed because he'd gotten to hold her one more time... far sooner than he'd expected, and it was such simple joys that kept the people who anchored the past from falling too far off the edge of it all.

Valanthia L'Evienne · May 24, 2008, 08:31 PM

Truth be told, Val did fight a little bit as Umbrosus pulled her close. She stopped soon, however, because he was listening. And when he spoke again, for the first time, he sounded as if he had heard her.

She recoiled slightly when he took the dagger. But even before she could ask him not to hurt her, he had gently placed her hand on the crystal, and then everything changed. It didn't last long -- nowhere near long enough -- but what she felt in that moment was the sort of confirmation for which she hungered. She could tell, at the same time, that there was a sort of two-way feedback, and that now perhaps she didn't have to try quite so hard to explain the emptiness inside her.

When he kissed her, she kissed him back. She kissed him back surprisingly hard -- as much as he wanted and needed her, she wanted and needed him back. He had her attention, and for one of the very few times recently, she wasn't giving it to him because she wanted to accuse him of something or ask him questions that didn't have answers. Perhaps surprisingly, he would be able to feel her love for him...love that was often buried beneath an avalanche of anger and uncertainty and despair, but that was real enough for all of that.

When he pulled back and spoke again, she reflexively ran her hands through her hair. "I used to hide it -- in...in my world, it's a mark of shame," she said sorrowfully. Then, trying to respond to his emotions, she added, "But if you...if you like it, that's good enough for me."

There was a pause. "Thanks," Val said. "If...if you...if you care...then I'll care. For you." A smile came over her face, one that was tender and quiet, but real. "I have the Cornerstone, Umbrosus. The...the Krevion's Cornerstone. I don't...don't exactly know what to...to do with it yet -- I'm a mystic, not a bard, and I...I can't make it work myself. And I don't know where...where to put it. But I have it. After all the...all the bad news, maybe you should have some good news."

She squeezed his hand -- their time was ending, it was ending too soon. Why always so soon? "I love you," she said, and as the tears came again, she buried her face in his shoulder. "I will...will see you again. For real. Not here...outside. I promise, and for...for your love, I'll keep...keep that promise."

Gossamer · May 28, 2008, 03:56 PM

It was an action that brought about the acuteness of their situation. Ripped from time, torn apart, cut loose on the wind, what could two people say to each other in the briefest moment of breath other than what was truly on their minds and hearts. Just when Umbrosus thought all had been said that could have been, Valanthia shocked him. His eyes widened, his head tilted back, and he laughed. His laughter was a free light thing filled with the joy of discovery and tinged with hope for the future.

"You found it? You really found it?" He exclaimed, pulling her upwards to her feet even as the forces