Old December 17, 2018, 09:06 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Moss almost flinched when Calanon pulled his arm away, and his hand retreated, fingers slowly closing into a lightly held fist that ultimately rested upon the tabletop as he studied his friend's visible emotional turmoil. His mouth had fallen open as his mind wanted to apologise, but the word never came forth, as he quickly reminded himself that it wasn't his place to speak.

The mystic's lips were reunited with each other as Calanon continued, dark grey eyes silently studying the Sylrosian's struggling efforts. He said nothing, forcing himself to avoid interrupting or offering any sympathy that he anticipated would only be rejected - there would be no gain to adding to his friend's tension.

Moss nodded silently whenever his friend looked his way, simply to show him that he was still listening, and to encourage him to continue.

Not every detail made sense to the amnesiac - the elf's parents and brother being 'gone' was a particular source of curiosity. Were they...dead? Had they moved to another locale and left the mother of Calanon's child behind to care for her own?

Moss didn't know such answers, but he also had no intention of asking them. He knew his friend was reticent to being so vulnerable, and it would be unfair of him to press for more. The elf was already taking an emotional risk as it was.

A few moments of silence filled the distance between them as Calanon finished saying his piece and Moss contemplated how best to respond. His dark grey eyes reflected the tavern firelight as he watched his friend, but the gaze was never hard. For him, it had only ever been about trying to find the right words.

"Thank you for explaining," he eventually said, as much to punctuate the silence while his mind raced, refusing to allow any facial expressions to provide any form of judgment. "I appreciate it."

A small sigh followed and Moss turned to look at the hearth, taking another slow sip of ale while he contemplated the crossroad that he had inadvertently found himself at. Just as long as he turned the right way...

"I will not judge you for your past, Cal," he eventually spoke to the flames, before turning back to his friend. "I don't even know my past, so how could I draw any conclusions about yours?"

The human shrugged, then, adamant that he would not be a hypocrite when his friend was in desperate need of...well...a friend.

"I cannot imagine the anguish you must have experienced," he added, his tone gentle. "And I have no intention of adding to it."

Moss took another sip, this one slow, and he savoured the taste, before letting the back of one hand wipe away the suds from his bearded lips. Then he dared to lean forward again, though he kept his hands around the tankard instead of physically reaching out to his friend.

"You of course have much to deal with," he continued, "and a good woman in Kailin. I've no idea how you could begin to deal with something like this, but..."

He paused, only then letting his grey eyes fix on Calanon's nervous stare.

"...I will be there for you, should you need it. You and Kailin."
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Old December 20, 2018, 09:10 AM   #17 (permalink)
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It always felt like this, when he told this story. The same sickening, churning sensation in his gut. Guilt, regret….fear. And on on top of the unflattering light he had cast himself in over recent brightenings he could not help but think that the man opposite would think little of him, knowing the truth.

He had dropped his eyes to study the grain on the wooden tabletop, aware of the man’s gaze upon him but unable to make himself face it, until Moss’ voice eventually broke the silence. Calanon looked up to meet the grey gaze only briefly, before the man sighed and looked away, and the it was the elf’s turn to regard him, to try and draw his own conclusions from the expression he could read. He appreciated the explanation? What did that mean? And there was quiet again, the Sylrosian fighting the urge to fill it with more words, but instead just wait for Moss to give him something definite to go off. Perhaps he had made the wrong decision..perhaps it was too much to pile upon the injuries done already to their friendship.


When the man’s response came, it was met with a look of surprise then, one that quickly morphed into gratitude as Calanon realised that Moss, like Kailin, was not casting him aside for his previous misdemeanours. He wondered at that; that these humans he had found himself surrounded by seemed to have more capacity to forgive such trespasses, when his own people had been...less forgiving. Maybe it was an effect of living life so much faster, that forgiveness came more quickly too? He wasn’t sure, but he appreciated it all the same. It was humbling.

“....thank you, Moss”.

In truth, Cal didn’t know how could deal with this either. There was not really any dealing to be done, it was what it was and all he could do was force his acceptance of it, try and do better than he had done, before. And of Kailin? Well, the elf did not need telling that she was more than he deserved. Moving past her protestations that he should try things with Niven had not been easy, only made worse by his terrible judgement in drowning himself in drink, but he could not bear the thought of losing her too, amongst all this mess.

“ I have made some peace with Niven…” he said, after a moment. “ I reacted poorly to her telling of it, but hope we can find some way forward. She won’t be on her own in this.” He shook his head. “ And Kailin. Kailin is…” He swallowed, for it was hard to find the words that could express how awed he was at her generosity of spirit, at her concern for her friend in this over and above herself. “ I do not deserve her, though I am selfish enough not to walk away unless she bids it.”

He had thought she was about to tell him such a thing, when they had finally talked, really talked the day after Moss had delivered him home. And could not have blamed her for it, but some grace of the Gods had seen him live to fight another day.

“ She is good. It puts me to shame. But I will not falter like...as I did the other night. I can promise you that.”
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Old January 10, 2019, 06:45 AM   #18 (permalink)
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There was a sense of awkwardness that accompanied them. It was unavoidable. Thick and heavy, like a cloud threatening to release rain but never quite following through. The threat was hollow; much of the situation was. But Moss was willing to call its bluff and push through to other side, for Calanon's sake, as much as his own.

The human nodded almost imperceptibly at the elf's gratitude, though he thought little of his own actions, considering them mere actions of a friend. That he had consciously decided to not pick sides, however, and that he wanted the best for both Calanon and Kailin, was perhaps slightly more deserving of recognition, but even that would have felt extravagant.

As Calanon spoke more, Moss resumed his role of listening, nodding in understanding, and occasionally taking small drinks of his ale in patient silence. When his friend appeared to have said his piece, the mystic readied his response.

"You need not apologise to me, Cal," he spoke gently. "I am merely a listening ear."

He took another long, slow sip of his drink, before placing the tankard back atop the table and leaning in.

"Or, perhaps," he added with a lightly teasing grin, "a carrying arm."
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Old January 15, 2019, 09:15 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Calanon looked at Moss a little strangely, for he had not been apologising again......had he? He was quiet then, nursing his mug of tea, until his companion’s tone shifted into something humorous, and the elf winced at the reminder of his less than graceful arrival back home those few nights prior.

“Must we speak of it?” he said grumpily, not quite ready to find the humour in his own idiocy. The fact that Moss had been forced to use magic to subdue him and then carry him home was a sore point for Calanon, and unfortunately not one that Kailin’s Thaumaturgy would be able to soothe. He hoped that the sting to his pride would fade over time, but it would not help to have his friend keep reminding him of it.

Though, and this Calanon could admit grudgingly he certainly would not let Moss forget if the shoe had been on the other foot. And he decided he should be more grateful that Moss still considered him friend enough to want to jest about it. After the other night, and everything he had told him since. And Phedos knows, he could do with a friend about now.

“Kailin wanted me to give things a try with Niven” he blurted, feeling safe enough now in Moss’ good opinion that he would confide such a thing. “....did you know that?” He knew that his beloved had been the one to inform Moss of the situation upon his arrival in Port Alyxandrya, but he could not help but wonder if she had said more. The pair were close, and he thought probably more comfortable confiding in one another than he and Moss had ever been...perhaps until today at least. And as Calanon looked across at the human male, he was reminded again that he had thought Moss a rival before now, even as he dismissed the thought for the nonsense he knew it to be.

“She is more bothered by the fact that Niven and I share longevity than I had considered”
he admitted. “ I am not sure how can I help that”

It did not escape his notice that he was discussing the problem with another human, either, but perhaps that was a good thing. Perhaps Moss could help him understand more where Kailin’s fears lay, for the elf was finding it hard to give her more reassurance than he already had. That he had already made the leap in embarking on their relationship did not seem to be enough to stay her fear that he would think himself better suited to Niven.
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Old January 15, 2019, 09:26 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Too soon?

The gentle grin that had rested upon Moss' face was replaced by a grimace as soon as he saw Calanon wince, and he leaned forward in his seat, reaching out to pat the elf's forearm.

"Sorry, Cal," he spoke quickly with a sober tone, brows furrowed in genuine concern. "It was meant in jest, but..."

The human's words drifted away, then, as he realised how tempted he was to explain it away, and seeing there was no purpose in doing such a thing. His friend knew full well what had happened that darkening, even if he'd had to hear about it secondhand, and reminding him of such ignominy - even in an attempt to ease its burden - likely only reminded him of his dented pride.

"Oh?" he reacted in surprise when Calanon began to speak of Niven, eyebrows lifting as he sat back.

The reaction was genuine. He hadn't expected the elf to say anything of the sort, and in truth, he didn't know what Kailin had said to his friend following their conversation when he'd arrived in the city.

Moss immediately wondered just how much of that discussion had been relayed to Calanon. Very little, if anything at all, he imagined. Kailin had felt as if she had shared too much, revealing secrets that - at the time, at least - felt as though they'd been kept from the Sylrosian.

Even if they hadn't, it wasn't Moss' place to voice them.

"I'm no relationship expert, Cal" - and how could he be, with so few relationships from which to draw on any useful experience - "but I think that whatever is best for the children is what you must do."

It was a vague response, he knew, and it warranted a deeper level of insight. He wanted to take a another drink, but he pushed on, despite the dryness in his throat.

"I don't know how you might navigate such a thing," he admitted, with an apologetic shrug of his shoulders. "I am not sure what can be done, but we live in a world where almost anything seems to be possible, Cal. Perhaps there's a way to extend someone's life?"

Moss sent his friend a pained expression, then, for he knew his suggestion was weak, but he had nothing else to offer. And yet, ever wanting to be helpful, he tried.

"I don't suppose there is magic that can do such a thing?"

And then his throat could wait no longer, with the ale lifted to his mouth, an act that mercifully also hid him from his friend's pained eyes for just a few fleeting moments.
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Old January 19, 2019, 12:02 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Whatever insight into Kailin’s thoughts Calanon had hoped to glean from his friend, it was not forthcoming. Indeed, Moss’ answers did not enlighten him at all, and Calanon raised a brow at the first.

“What could be good for any children about forcing a relationship that is just not there?” he asked, disgruntled that the human had not dismissed the notion of Niven and Calanon as readily as the elf had been able to. But then Moss had not been there when he had tried to play the role he had for Ylenna, for Cal’ed’non. And neither had Kailin. They would not know how he had failed so utterly because his heart was not in it. They had not seen the hurt he had unwillingly caused in striving to conjure feelings that were not there.

He had thought on in often in the last few brightenings, certainly more than he had done in months, and he wondered if perhaps, in time...If he had not tried to shape himself into something he was not, had just let things settle into something more naturally, perhaps things would have been different. Maybe he could have grown to love Ylenna...

But then, his heart had not been given to another, and Calanon could see no earthly way trying anything with Niven would result in anything other than resentment and disaster. He shook his head, and looked at Moss “ I honestly can’t believe she suggested it”.

The suggestion that followed was met with an incredulous expression, and Moss could see how his friend took a deep breath to steady himself before he spoke.

“Do you think I have not considered such a thing already?” Green eyes were levelled at the human, and for a moment the elf looked distraught. “ I have no wish to lose her, Moss. If there is a way around it…” he broke off then and sighed. “ It is not as if our differences have escaped my notice. I am just not sure why this development has any impact upon what we have known since the beginning”.

Calanon knew that it was a subject he and Kailin skirted around, but it was hard to be frank about something that involved really thinking about losing her. And he didn't know what would happen when time started to work against them. But that did not mean he hadnt spent a lot of time thinking about how he could make it a non issue.

“I don’t even know if she would want that” he admitted,in relation to the idea of somehow extending Kailin’s eras. He hadn’t asked either, because how it could seem anything other than rejection if she dismissed the idea.“ Would you?”

And though there was nothing riding on Moss’ answer, Calanon found himself nervous to hear it, as if it might confirm what Kailin would think too.
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Old January 22, 2019, 09:47 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Moss watched Calanon's mood shift, and it caught him by surprise. The Sylrosian had sought relationship advice from a man who didn't even know his own family, but it had been given sincerely, and now the elf appeared to be criticising him for it.

The human wouldn't have reacted so much, if his friend hadn't misinterpreted what he'd meant.

Not you and Niven, you dolt," he guffawed, the lighthearted chuckle cutting through the tension for a few short moments. "I merely said you should do whatever is best for the children, and I never imagined that would mean you would abandon Kailin for a woman who - I assume - you barely knew before the pregnancy."

The laughter faded, then, as the serious nature of the conversation pulled itself back over them, as if it were a hood to shield them from any future levity. Moss managed a sip of ale before Calanon responded to his uncertain hypothetical suggestion, and it was all the human could do to avoid spitting the drink across the table.

He managed to bite his tongue, though, and not snipe back at the man's perceived rudeness. He was dealing with a delicate situation, after all, and it deserved to be treated as such. To take personal offense would be to lose perspective of the situation.

"I don't know," he answered his friend's question with a sigh. "To change my identity to be with someone? It doesn't feel right..."

The human sent another gaze to the hearth, hoping the firelight might be symbolic of seeing some sense of hope for Calanon and Kailin.

"I don't know what the answer is," he admitted quietly, trying to find some clarity in the flames, before forcing himself to lift his gaze to his friend, nervous to hear how his following question might be received. "Have you spoken to her of this?"
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Old January 26, 2019, 12:25 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Calanon blinked at Moss’ assertion, realising that perhaps he had assumed a little too much: an affect borne, no doubt, of his own sensitivity around the issue. “Oh” was the somewhat sheepish acknowledgement that he had misunderstood his friend’s intent. The elf was uncomfortable at Moss’ presumption regarding his relationship with Niven before this whole mess, but he could not exactly deny it - there had been little between them. Barely a friendship begun, really.

Now there was suddenly pressure to find some common ground, to forge a connection, somehow. Calanon thought he had managed at least to repair some of the damage he’d caused with his initial reaction, but it was clear it would take some time and effort to earn the female’s trust. And it was not that he did not want to, only the need to stabilise things between he and Kailin was pressing on him, and he could not think of much past it.

Moss’ answer did not bring him much comfort, and the Sylrosian sat back from the table, cradled his mug within both hands and glared at the contents, as if it were somehow responsible for this whole scenario.

Changing her identity? He had not considered it thusly, but he wondered if he had not been too presumptuous regarding what Kailin’s feelings might be around the matter. If it were even possible.

One dark brow lifted at his friend’s subsequent question, and he shook his head. “ Not until I have something definite to share with her” He answered. “ It is hardly worth discussing if there is no solution” And not worth the risk of discovering she had no interest in such a thing he appended silently. It would be hurtful, and he did not know where it would leave them if they had differing opinions on the subject.

“You will not mention it to her either” Calanon said, fixing Moss with a firm look, which he then softened as he recalled the premise of their entire conversation this day. “..please. It would just complicate things unnecessarily at this point. It may not even be an option”.

He sighed dejectedly, for whatever the future might hold, it was not helping him now in soothing his beloved’s feelings. “ Everything is still so raw...so new. I suppose it will settle, somehow. It is just difficult understanding how I can mend it. I can’t change what has already happened.” If only it were so simple “ She didn’t say anything to you, then?”
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Old January 29, 2019, 05:22 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Moss' mouth hardened, his lips drawing a thin line between his cheeks and hiding beneath the blond beard that clung to his face. He was nodding, dark eyes showing a sense of resignation at Calanon's response, the news that the elf would not discuss the issue with Kailin.

In truth, the mystic could not see the way ahead. His mind was filled with fog, the hearth's promises to bring warmth suddenly unfulfilled.

Another nod followed at the request to not discuss matters with the brunette in question. Moss valued Calanon's trust and would not willingly betray it. But the same could be said of Kailin's, so when the elf asked what she had told Moss, the human hesitated before offering a considered response.

"She is hurting," he replied quietly. "That is plain to see."

He was stating the obvious, he knew, but he was also focusing on what he thought was most important. It didn't actually matter what he was personally privy to.

"I...heard a story, once," he began, not even bothering to hide the fact that he was attempting to shift the conversation in a new direction. "I have no idea if it's true...probably a fable, but maybe not?"

Moss took a slow swig from his tankard, taking his time as he leaned back in his seat and looked towards the fireplace, before slowly returning his gaze to his friend.

"They say you can get a wish granted," he continued, a shrug of his shoulders accompanying his words removing a degree of seriousness from what he was actually saying. "I don't know if that's true - or what you'd even ask for - but there must be some way in all of Telath to make things work, Cal."

There was a lamenting sigh that came next, and his gaze dropped to the table.

But, he pondered, love can only be given freely, and no wish can force that.

But that was a thought he preferred to bury beneath another long, slow sip of ale.
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Old January 30, 2019, 07:34 AM   #25 (permalink)
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A shadow passed over the elf’s face, and dropped his gaze away from the human man opposite, focusing instead upon the complex grain pattern on the table top, tracing the lines and swirls absently as he considered those words.

She was hurting Though Moss did not tell him anything he did not already know, it nevertheless was unpleasant to hear. He had no wish to cause Kailin pain, and yet he had, and this situation he found himself in was not likely to disappear, nor become any less complicated. Some small part of him could even acknowledge that perhaps it would be simpler, kinder, to spare her the trials that no doubt lay ahead.

Acknowledge but not accept. Calanon knew he needed Kailin - the security that their love had offered him he could not take lightly, and whilst it had not been without trial to get there, he had to hope it could endure.
His friend’s voice interrupted the paths his mind had wandered, and the elf glanced up, trying to muster some interest in whatever story Moss had decided to impart on him, but the ‘Hmmm?’ he made sounded listless to even his own ears.

Wishes seemed such an unlikely solution, and green eyes were doubtful where they rested upon the man’s face, but if nothing else, he could appreciate the effort made to offer the suggestion.

“ I suppose time will tell” he said on an exhale, peering into his now empty mug pensively. “ I have been foolish to let it lie as long as I have...we should have discussed this before now. Before these..complications.”

As if it were not complex enough.

“But that is not for now. At least for the moment we are together, and I have let Niven know that I will stand by her with these babies.” He almost stumbled over the word, for it still felt alien, an abstract concept. “ So that is all I can do. The rest will fall where it may.” He looked back up at Moss and shrugged. “ For what it is worth, I am glad that Kailin can talk to you. And she has her family…”

As he did not. The words hovered unspoken but present non the less, and Calanon was glad of Moss too in that moment, glad that he had not ruined their friendship with his idiocy.

"Do you want another?" he nodded towards the ale. " I feel I owe you more than a drink if we are honest".
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Old February 12, 2019, 07:13 AM   #26 (permalink)
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Moss had seen, when he'd spoken of Kailin's hurt, just how much weight they'd carried. They had left his mouth with the ease of a gently flowing river, but as soon as they had escaped his lips, they'd seemed to tip over the precipice and drop like a torrent, a welting waterfall of wounds that seemed to crash upon Calanon's shoulders, threatening to drown him.

But the human would not take them back. He had merely spoken the obvious and uncomfortable proof, and neither of them could escape it.

And yet he wanted too, all the same, weary grey eyes staring into his tankard, watching as there was less light brown liquid to view each time he returned the cup onto the table. He nodded as his friend spoke, though he found himself still staring into the tiny puddle of ale, absentmindedly if drowning might take away the pain his friends were enduring.

What caused him to lift his head was Calanon's comment about Kailin's family, and his eyes glistened, reflecting the firelight as he felt a surge of energy. He reached forward, standing half out of his chair as he leaned across the table and clapped a hand on the elf's shoulder.

"And you have me, Cal," the firmness of his gravelly voice matching that of his gaze. "You both do."

He fell back into his seat, and the elf's offer of another drink was initially met with a contemplative pause.

"Actually, no," he eventually admitted, surprising himself with his own answer. "Let's do...something."

The idea was only just beginning to form in his mind, but the mystic was already getting excited about it.

"Let's not wallow here any longer," he continued, "where we can get nothing done. Let's do something!"

Moss clearly didn't know what that something might be, but he was still eager to convince his friend.

"Where have we felt the most free?" he went on, his lips teasing themselves into a lopsided smile. "Hobgoblins in Medonia, priests in Daltina...not to mention that debacle at the River Gloria..."

He was standing up, then, insistent on shaking off the gloom that had clung more tightly to him over the previous few brightenings than the flakes of snow that burrowed their way into his beard every time he stepped outside. His eyes were lit up, but no longer because of the fire, as he extended a hand towards the Sylrosian, his upright posture showing a sense of assuredness and pride.

"Let's go do what we do best, friend."
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Status: Battling to get on top of everything! [06.02.2019]
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Old February 15, 2019, 03:24 PM   #27 (permalink)
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The elf eyed Moss somewhat doubtfully. Surely he could not be serious?He was glad of the reassurance, the knowledge that the man would still want to spend time with him after the rather dismal way Calanon had behaved when they last met. But he was also only too aware of the fallout of their last something. That weekend that had stretched, ended up being almost two cycles, and had seen him return to the storm of merde that was his current situation.

Brow furrowed in consternation, he looked from Moss' hand back to the man's face but made no move to stand.

" You speak in jest? I cannot go off gallivanting, Moss!" he protested, disbelief colouring the words. "Kailin would kill me. Actually kill me, and I think I have done enough to try her patience lately, do you not?"

In fact, Calanon presumed he would be somewhat homebound for a little while now. There was so much to be thought through, and everything was still so very uncertain. Even without the whole Niven revelation, Kailin had been less than enamoured with the extended absence of their last misadventure and the worry it had caused. He shook his head.

No matter that it was all too tempting a proposition, just to go and find something else to busy his thoughts, to keep his mind from turning over this sudden shift in circumstance again and again. He met his friend's enthused gaze and it was with some difficulty that he dismissed the idea again.

“ No, I cannot..sit down Moss, for feths sake.”
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Grim & Your Mum :Cal can't possibly be all that prissy, seeing as he's going around propositioning people :<
Cal: ONE TIME
Hoskuld & Walt:...and he was drunk.
charybdis >> grim :And crying.
Hoskuld & Walt :...and it was a weird time.
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