Elven Courtship

The Role of Ritual
The courtship ritual is one which is a part of the elven society. The elves of Syl'rosya have rituals for each of the major milestones in life, birth, death, marriage, coming of age, first childbirth and many others. This article is written with the main focus being the Syl'rosyan elven ceremony, but the basic structure is the same across many of the elven societies of Telath. Some families choose to start the courtship at a point a number of months into this tradition, in deference to family wishes or some other circumstance. Of course, every now and then, a romance happens in a whirlwind, almost human fashion. This is the rule, but there are, as is the elven way, always exceptions.

Terminology
Throughout this the term "Melisse" tran: female lover and "Melindo" trans: male lover are used to refer to the wife-to-be and husband-to-be respectively. Please note that the terms “Indis” and “Indor” are equally appropriate culturally.

Whichever of the couple initiates the courtship and engagement is known as the "Te’yessien" trans: they who start and the other member of the couple is referred to throughout as the "Maquen’te" trans: they who are asked . Since elven society is neither matriarchal or patriarchal, either member of the couple is likely to initiate the courtship.

Courtship:
The elven idea of courtship is one that reflects their long life. Nothing about this is rushed, no aspect of it is considered too fussy. In order to be done properly, courtship rituals must be clearly followed and attended by the appropriate family members.

It is important that the reader notes that this protocol is not followed if the families arrange the marriage in advance. This negates the need for the complexities of the courtship, although many arranged marriages follow the courtship as an excellent means of the couple getting to know each other before the marriage begins, this is not necessary to the arrangement.

Also, the reader must remember that the onset of courtship may actually be many patterns after the two have met or begun their relationship. Courtship as a ritual is the beginnings of two lives intertwining for the length of the elven lifespan. This is not something that begins upon the meeting of the couple; this is the beginning of a new stage in their relationship.

A run down of the courtship rituals of elves follows below:

Initial Announcement of Interest.
It is usual for the Te’yessien to announce, formally, to the opposite sex parent of the other party that they wish to court their family member (so the Melindo announces to the mother of the Melisse, or the Melisse announces to the father of the Melindo). This is done by way of a significant gift to the parent. It would be considered very bad form for this gift to be overly expensive or ostentatious, but must be something that the parent appreciates as a token which exemplifies the intentions of the Te’yessien.


Early Courtship (First Era)
In these early months, it is vital that the couple get to know each other. Therefore, they exchange letters every cycle, with the Te’yessien initiating the writing of these letters. It is customary for each letter to be longer than the last, and to contain a small flower or leaf that is currently in sight of the writer at the time of writing.

During this time it is usually frowned on for the couple to meet, except on the following dates:

Month 1: The Te’yessien is invited to the family home of the Maquen’te. This allows the Te’yessien to spend time with the Maquen’te’s parents and any siblings. During this visit, the couple exchange letters, but the conversation is kept at a very superficial level.

Month 5: The Maquen’te now travels to the house of the Te’yessien. This is a more complex ritual, involving the Maquen’te having at least three travelling companions and a chaperone the entirety of the visit. The visit will tend to last for five brightenings, during which the Maquen’te will spend most of their time with the Te’yessien family. There is usually one dinner where the couple are seated together, in a small, immediate family intimate dinner. This is still a very formal affair.

Month 10 This meeting is one which of particular significance, as it marks the movement from the initial courtship stages to the couple moving into the second phase of courtship. This meeting is in a place agreed by both sets of parents that is considered to be something of a treat for the couple. Both sets of parents and the couple travel to the chosen place (which could be either persons home) and there the couple prepare a meal for their families. This is usually done with the aid of the serving staff, obviously, but is a means of showing that the couple have learnt about each other enough to begin to prepare for life together.

Second Era
In the second year of the courtship, the couple begin to announce the courting, since it has survived the first year intact. Therefore, the first thing that happens is that the courtship is made public. In the first era, the courtship is held close to the chests of the closest family, now the less immediate family come to know and the second and third era are spent focusing on the more extended family ties of both parties family. During the second era, the couple visit and host a number of small, exclusive parties for the less immediate family of the Te’yessien. This era is not so rigidly defined in terms of months, as it all depends on the size of the family of the Te’yessien.

Third Era
During the third era, the couple visit and host a number of small, exclusive parties for the less immediate family of the Maquen’te. This era is, again, less rigidly defined in terms of months, as it also depends on the size of the family of the Maquen’te.

Fourth Era
This is the era where the courtship is considered to truly start. The fourth era is the one where the relationship of the two people concerned is the focus. This era sees the couple attending functions as a couple for the first time. There are two main festivities in this era, although the couple may attend up to four functions as a couple, as long as they are family functions. The two festivities are:

The Branching – Month 5
In this celebration, the couple plant a tree together. This is usually a Rowan tree, but it depends on the area that they live in and what is available. This tree is chosen by the couple and planted together. When this has been done, the parents of the couple bind the tree with delicately woven branches from their own trees, symbolising the merging of two families into one whole. This is usually planted in the family home of the Te’yessien.
Then there is a lot of festivity.

The Kash’eel – Month 10
This is a much more private celebration. The couple, along with their parents, attend a religious service, and afterwards they meet with a priest. The families give the priest specific ritual gifts:

1. A piece of ribbon / cloth which is weaved together from the wedding garments of all four of the parents. This symbolises the blessing of the union by the two families
2. Two weapons, one from each family, which has been broken ritually before the ritual begins, symbolising the desire for peace between the two families.
3. A cup, crafted by either one of the couple. This is to symbolise the mysteries of life and the love that is growing between the two.
4. A candle, crafted by the other one of the couple. This is to symbolise the possibilities of the future, held incumbent within the present.

The four items are placed on the altar, and the priest gets the couple to hold hands over them. The priest then binds the hands of the couple together and blesses the union. Then the ties are cut, and the items, including the ties are placed in a box known as a Kash’eel. This is stored for later. At the end of the ritual, the parents celebrate together, and the couple spend the night in the temple, in separate rooms, each meditating on what the ritual has taught them.

Fifth Era
Although the fourth era was the practice run for this, the fifth era is where the courtship really goes public. In the first month of the fifth era, shortly after the Kash’eel, the couple throw an Announcing party. Here all friends and family throw an enormous party that usually lasts for about five brightenings.

It is traditional for gifts to be given at the Announcing, but they are from the couple to the guests. Each guest is usually given a token which has some significance to the couple. This can be a complicated and expensive thing to do, so some parties are smaller than the family would like them to be.

In the fifth era, the couple spend the time hosting visits from friends and family who come to the house of either of them. During this time, the couple themselves are allowed for the first time, some time alone. Tradition dictates that they may now go for walks alone, in the grounds of their families houses, or even in public parks and so on as long as the place is somewhere that could be public if needs be.

Sixth Era
This era marks a shift in the focus of the courtship. In the first five era's, the courtship has been focused on those outside the couple, mainly. Now, since their relationship has lasted five eras, the focus now lands on the couple themselves. During this era, the focus is on them getting to know each other better. So during one half of the era, the Maquen’te lives with the Te’yessien’s family, and the other half is vice versa. This is done so that, for the first time, the couple see each other every day.
During this time, the couple exchange gifts every two months – these should exemplify the growing depth of the couple’s relationship. It is considered very bad form to ask what these gifts are, as they may be of a quite personal nature.

Seventh Era
During this era, the preparations for the wedding begin. The couple start to plan the ceremony, which will last for ten days in total, finally culminating in the wedding itself. During this era, the couple plan the actual ten days themselves. The timings are decided and the seating etc (see separate document for the means of seating etc)
This era, the couple again spend half a year in one home and half in the other, but this might be more spaced out than in the sixth era – especially if it is fitted around the planning.
During this year, the couple begin to take control of their lives. Now they are making decisions together on the plans, and spend most evenings together, although always with other people present. Traditionally, during this year, the couple do not exchange gifts; instead they each keep a journal throughout the year, and exchange that at the end of the year.

Eighth Era
This era sees the planning of the celebration move up a notch. The dress is designed in this year. To elves, it is not just the dress of the Melisse that is important; it is the entire wedding party. Therefore, a team of dressmakers and tailors are usually employed to create matching and beautiful outfits for the Melisse and Melindo, as well as both sets of parents and the bridal party.

Ninth Era
This is the era where the couple begin to consider their lives after the ceremony. They will live, either in one of the family houses or not, as a family of their own. They need to function as that small unit. So, as a test run, they are given control of a small area in one of the parent's family homes, this might be arranging the dinners, or seeing to guests, but the two of them have a project at the end of the year - they must plan and host a party, in preparation for the time they will be alone in the world together. This party, its size and function, is determined by both sets of parents, who come up with something that they think will be challenging, yet achievable.

Tenth Era
The culmination of this era is the wedding itself. Ten era's to the day since the announcement of interest, the wedding takes place. This era is spent in preparation for this momentous occasion, and as such, no rituals take place, except in the cycle before the wedding itself.

Assuming that the wedding is on Brightening 10, the following occurs in the Brightenings preceding:

Brightening 1: The Melisse and the Melindo’s parents spend the day together. This is the "final test" for the daughter - to - be. She spends the day as though she were their daughter. This is seen as the final acceptance of the woman into the man's family.

Brightening 2: The same is done in reverse for the man with the woman's family.

Brightening 3: The Melisse and Melindo are the guests of a party, hosted by the parents of the Melisse. This is the final acceptance of the couple by the parents of the Melisse.

Brightening 4: The same is done in reverse, with the Melindo's family.

Brightenings 5, 6 and 7: The couple spend three days in meditation and contemplation. During these days, they eat only the most basic food, and do not speak to anyone. This meditation, however, is new, as it is not done alone. They spend the three days together, talking, meditating and generally contemplating their future.

Brightenings 8 + 9: The preparations are underway - the Melisse and Melindo do not see each other for those two days, as they are each in the hands of their families, preparing for the wedding itself.

All that awaits the couple now is the wedding ceremony itself. On the brightening of the ceremony, it is traditional for both to take part in a dawn ritual, where they welcome the brightening in. They then move into the ritual of the wedding itself and the courtship is, at dawn on that brightening, considered complete.