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A bleak future

Posted July 21, 2008 at 05:09 AM by Palacrisis D Jones

Mid winter Kalendryas era XIV

 .Extract from the diary of Palacrisis D Jones  

At this time in my life it behoves me to look over my life and make some judgements as to where I stand within the galaxy of stars that inhabit our world. It is true that I have aimed high and in part succeeded in my chosen path. Honours and titles I have had many , posts and positions the same .I am comfortable money wise happily married and with a child coming along. My step children Meyra and Kallick seem normal and well adjusted young people. I have property and land a burgeoning tobacco business which by spring this era should show considerable profit , the gods willing!

Yet for all these blessings I am uncomfortable down here in war torn Sheria I am but a simple citizen unable to influence events. Milo has intimated that I can return to the fold once the baby is born and that would be most welcome yet even for that offer I am coming slowly to a realisation. It is painful but I must face it foursquare. Palacrisis D Jones will never walk amongst the truly greats of this land!

Am I too old, too lacking in talent to take my place amongst the giants? Yes must be my answer! It is a fact that that I have given my existence over to other people my time has been consumed with the development of my areas of influence and the peoples who live within those areas. I am essentially a servant of the empire an administrator, a builder of cities, a civil servant, a problem solver. But for all those talents I have never been asked to stand with the greats, never once been invited to stretch my poor talents to the limit, never been in the right place at the right time to face my impermanence and risk everything for immortality.

Perhaps it is my fault, the powers that be are busy people who have more pressing business than a poor administrator like me. There have been occasions when possibilities have been thrown at me a chance to play with the greats but alas time tide and circumstance have interfered with the progress of the event and the chance to throw dice with the gods has failed to materialize.

So on reflection it may be best if I retire from active service sit on my porch in the Kallimeyra estate and smoke my pipe in peace and wait for my call to the River Umblat. Leave the great affairs of state to younger, more able people and slip gently away from the consciousness of the empire.

Yet there is still a spark in me that says you can make your mark stand on the brink of disaster with nothing but my wits and a love of this world of ours in my heart spit in the eye of fate and throw the dice risking everything. I have never been afraid of death it is but a transitory experience but to wait for the inevitable on a rocking chair on a porch is that what the future holds?
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  1. Old Comment
    This blog breaks my heart.
    Posted July 21, 2008 at 12:58 PM by Viskyia Crow Viskyia Crow is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Wow. Very moving, well written.
    Posted July 25, 2008 at 05:02 PM by Stephen Stephen is offline
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