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Old April 10, 2010, 11:22 PM   #9 (permalink)
Tiarela Iceglitter
Delightfully Deranged
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Lost in her own mind
Posts: 1,072
Wealth Tier: Sterling
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The subtle art of dream manipulation is a largely unknown and underestimated ability. A gift bestowed by Kaimelea upon her followers, Dreamwalking grants the user the ability to visit the dreams of mortals, manipulating Dreamers experiences while they sleep.
"Dreamer's". Apostrophe!


The Dreamscape and the Plane of Dreams

The Dreamscape:
Contrary to popular belief, people who dream do not visit the Plane of Dreams - with the same being true for bad dreams and the Plane of Nightmares. The vast majority of dreams and nightmares experienced by mortals take place in a no-mans land called the Dreamscape, with neither Kaimelea nor Risthal having total control over it.

The Dreamscape is comprised solely of matter called Dream Essence, which resonates sympathetically with the thoughts of nearby living creatures and people, moulding itself into the shapes and senses desired. A Dreamwalker's ability to Dreamweave stems solely from extensive experience with manipulating Dream Essence into whatever they can imagine. When inert, Dream Essence is invisible, allowing a Dreamwalker to seemingly create things out of thin air. Therefore, to an outside observer, the Dreamscape would appear to be an infinitely large universe of black nothingness, with the occasional galaxy of activity centred around a living mind.

As a side note, Vis and Ara do not exist, as there is nothing truly 'real'. This means that magic as most people understand it cannot function. Instead, a mage can 'imagine' creating a fireball, causing the surrounding Dream Essence to morph into one, ready for use. Unfortunately, skills that do not produce physical effects such as those used in Bardism, Ikonomancy and Mysticism are unable to be replicated.
Wellllll Mysticism is kinda arguable there because some of it is a little "real" or perceivable with the naked eye. Things like Animation and Psionic Blast for example. I agree manipulating the mind is out, but mystics are also more in tune with the mind... maybe a better way to word that last sentence is "Unfortunately, skills that do not produce many physical effects such as Bardism, Ikonomancy and the majority of Mysticism are unable to be replicated." ? I dunno.

A Dreamwalker's ability to jump from dream to dream stems from their ability to block their minds from the effects of Dream Essence and move through the nothingness to adjoining 'galaxies', invading the dream or nightmare of the soul within. See the section on Dream Threads for further details.
Long sentence is long, maybe break it up? I dunno just felt run-on ish to me.

Those without the ability to Dreamwalk still visit the Dreamscape whenever they fall asleep, as Dream Essence echoes in the Dreamer's subconscious, often recreating memories of the Brightening's events, summoning the very definition of peace or happiness as a dream or generating nightmares from the depths of their worst fears.
I think you should add this "in" I added in bold.

The Plane of Dreams:

The Plane of Dreams is a world of light, colour and life. For some, it is an infinite forest; others see it as an island floating amongst the clouds; more again perceive a horizon-less grassland or a bustling city. How the Plane of Dreams appears is perceived differently by every one of its Denizens, yet there is one structure that is common to all of the Planes representations: nestled within its heart is Kaimelea’s fabled city of Reverie. The city itself moulds and shifts constantly with the whims of its inhabitants, but certain landmarks stand resolute against the mesmerizing flux of colours and shapes.
Okay, semicolon 101: things on both sides of the semi colon must be a complete stand alone sentence. E.g. "He did not understand it; she could not read it." I feel your semicolons in the second sentence do not read properly.

  • The Dormus River:
    A glittering, crystal clear river, the Dormus curves around the walls of Reverie like a lover, caressing the Pearlvein Wall with its sparkling waters. The light reflected from the surface of the river glitters with every colour of the rainbow. Shortly after it passes through the city, the Dormus river reaches a cliff of infinite length and depth, stretching down into black, starry infinity below.
  • The last sentence uses infinity/infinite twice and that made it hard for me to read. I know what you mean by it but is there any other way to say it?

    This, combined with the dazzling array of colours seen in the water, lends to the belief that the water of the Dormus River is liquified Dream Essence, used to create all the creatures, objects and people present in the Dreamscape.
    Liquefied is the correct spelling of this word.

    Newcomers to Reverie are warned not to stare into the Dormus for too long, as many have looked into the sparkling waters and allowed its fast-flowing current to sweep their mind away.
  • The Pearlvein Wall:
    Encircling the city is a small, waist-high wall. Crafted when the city was first made, the Pearlvein Wall is made from stones taken from the Dormus River, held in place with a mortar made from a shimmering almost-pink metal called Pearlvein. The Pearlvein itself marbles the riverbed rocks, and is mined for its incredible strength and durability when forged.
  • I dont understand what you mean by the pearlvein "marbles the riverbed rocks". To marble is to create swishy lines on things isnt it? Okay thats a horrible way to say it but to marble is to make the color swaths we associated with "marbled countertops" and "marbled tiles". Are you saying it gives it swaths of color?

The Identities and Names

Dream Guises:
To become a novice Dreamwalker, one must learn about Dream Essence, gain lucidity within a dream, and gain the ability to move about the Dreamscape. To mark the beginning of their journey into Dreamwalking, the novice's subconscious cloaks them in a Dream Guise, so as to provide anonymity and a degree of protection from the hypnotic charms and paralyzing fears of the Dreamscape.

The exact appearance of the Dreamwalkers Guise is dependent upon their subconscious, which is dominant in a world shaped by your thoughts and desires. Depending upon the role the Dreamwalker wishes to play within the Dreamscape, their Guise can be anything from wish-fulfilment
wish-fulfillment is the correct spelling here.

, personification of a particular personal trait or a projection of their personal beliefs, desires or objects of love. As the majority of Kaimelea’s tasks are benevolent, forms that encourage feelings of safety, peace or happiness in those around them are common. It is worth noting that unless the Dreamwalker undergoes a drastic change of personality, the Dream Guise they discover at novice level will stay more or less the same for the rest of their lives.

For this reason, the Dream Guise will not change a great deal once it manifests; however, once the Dreamwalker is used to it and feels comfortable with a new body, attitude and even personality, they can begin to make small changes. These may include hair color, clothing, and skin tone. However, there will always be some resemblance to their original Guise.
I feel like you are repeating what you just said earlier?

Regarding abilities, the Dreamwalker is still limited to what they know and what they can create using their imagination. They cannot 'imagine' themselves to be better at swordfighting, or 'imagine' a beautiful piece of art, as those skills come from the mind, which is immutable.
This seems out of place, what does it have to do with dream guises?

Dream Name:
Like the Dream Guise, the Dream Name comes from the Dreamwalkers subconscious.
dreamwalker's is possessive of subconscious.


Cendren: House of the Seer
The Cendrens have their powers firmly rooted in vison, knowledge and understanding. They can see through the illusions of the Dreamscape and identify Dreamers, Dreamwalkers, Twisted and Azaru from the many lifeforms that inhabit the Dreamscape. They can sense if a fellow Dreamwalker or Twisted is nearby, both within the Dreamscape and when awake, and can even see a ghostly outline of their Dream Form on the Material Plane, surrounding them like an aura. They have a limited mind-reading ability that they use to interpret a person’s dreams and use this information to enlighten the individuals.
Vision is misspelled. Also, on the mind-reading, are we talking subconscious mind-reading? I mean... Seer reads person's subconscious? Cause reading conscious is like, Mysticism, you know >_>

Devoted Cendrens are further blessed by Kaimelea and become the Cendrenas, lords and ladies of the House. Cendrenas are rumoured to be able to use the collective memory of Aelyria to not only learn what happened across the continent that previous brightening, but even cast their minds back eras into the past, as well as bestowing premonitive dreams into the minds of others and themselves.
I don't think premonitive is a word. Also, premonition means that you are seeing something before it happens, not that you are looking into the past. What exactly do you mean here?

Beriadren: House of the Protector
The Beriadrens are a proud House of stoic protectors, charged with defending Dreamwalkers and Dreamers alike from Twisted influence. Highly resistant to the powers of Consumation that Twisted use to create the Azaru, Beriadrens also exude an aura that dampens the Twisted’s ability to Dreamweave effectively. The Dream Form of a Beriadren is often extremely resilient to physical damage, and they employ superhuman strength to defend their charges within the Dreamscape.

Once a Beriadren has proven themselves to Kaimelea, she raises them to the ranks of the Beriadrenas, lords and ladies of the House. The Beriadrenas have lost all ability to Dreamweave, but their aura completely nullifies the powers of the Twisted. The mere presence of a member of the Beriadrenas within a dream is often enough to force a Twisted out of sleep completely.
Okay, but I'm going to have to try and counterbalance this someway in my writeup you know right? lol.

Echadren: House of the Weaver
Masters of the art of Dreamweaving, the Echadren’s limitless imagination craft elaborate dreams and beings wherever they walk. They remain the only House known to create sentient life within a dream, with their brothers and sisters limited to the minds of animals at best. If a Twisted and a Dreamwalker are both attempting to Dreamweave a single object, an Echadren will be able to break the usual deadlock in their favour. Echadren are capable of summoning and controlling a vast array of people, animals and scenery at once.

The Echadrenas, masters of the House, have been charged by Kaimelea to be in charge of Dreamweaving her own Plane of Dreams, and it is they alone who are responsible for its mesmerising fluctuations of colour and life. The Echadrenas are often invited to live permanently within the Plane of Dreams, their Material bodies granted the power to walk between the Material Plane and her realm through ceremonies whose secrets are jealously guarded by the Echadrenas themselves.
Mesmerizing is misspelled. Also, walking between the two planes whenever they feel like ? o.O

Nestadren: House of the Healer
The comforting words and soothing hands of House Nestadren are pillars that support the stability and peace of the Dreamscape. While most Dreamwalkers learn basic healing as part of their Dreamweaving ability, the effects are usually temporary and leave the Dreamwalker with crippling, invisible injuries when they awaken. It is the ministrations of the Nestadren that sooth these pains, and without them the Dreamscape would become a much more dangerous place for Kaimelean followers. Saying this, the Nestadren would be insulted if one assumed that physical healing was all they were capable of. In a world governed by the thoughts and dreams of others, the Nestadren pride themselves on their ability to heal and sooth the mind. Many who come seeking Kaimelea’s aid across Aelyria are sent to the Nestadren, whose ability to comfort, sooth and heal the mind are unparalleled by any other House, some practitioners surpassing even mystics in their restorative abilities.
in the last sentence, it seems like you threw two sentences together. Put a period after House and make the second half into a complete sentence.

The lords and ladies of the Nestadrenas are so proficient at this art that they are rumoured to be able to restore the sanity of those who have gone insane or are suffering from great mental anguish or turmoil, as well as being the only mortals known to be able to reverse the process of Consummation. long as they can find the two pieces to sew them back together. Just being like oops ur fine againz. is like, not cool.

Manadhren: House of the Zealot
If Kaimelea is the Dreamwalker’s god, the Manadhren are her Angels of Death, warriors of unwavering loyalty who walk the boundary between light and darkness every darkening to safeguard those whom they serve. All Manadhren are unparalleled fighters, thanks to enhanced reflexes, stamina and strength that rivals their brothers and sisters from Beriadren.
Thanks sounds so informal and writeups, to me, are like essays in formality. Perhaps replace it with "because of their"?

The Menadhren are also the only Dreamwalkers with the capacity to inflict physical damage upon their targets, forcing the Twisted to feel any injuries sustained in their sleep as though they were real. Coupling this with their ability to capture and hold Twisted within a dream, as well as the ability to force them back into the waking world, make them formidable opponents to any Twisted they come across.

The powers of the Menadhrenas are rarely employed, as Kaimelea hardly ever requires the visitation of death upon her targets. The lords and ladies of the Menadhrenas hold the power to stop an opponent’s heart from beating, should they manage to kill them within a dream. Truly Angels of Death, if you are killed in a dream by a member of the Menadhrenas, you will not awaken.
Kaimelea and the association of "the angel of death" is kinda... off to me. I know what you are going for here, and they would probably be like the bounty hunters for the Twisted, but at the same time, just the word association makes me go o.O??

Where do souls go if Kaimelea kills them if they AREN'T Twisted? Why would she kill someone who isn't a Twisted?

It feels like this set of people can do more than some of the other sets of people. Don't take this the wrong way but seeing the depiction of what you want Quil's dream form to be like, it comes across in this section of the writing that this is what your character is going to be. Be careful about bias and balance and leave yourself out of it!

The Tools and Symbols

The Dreamcatcher - Appearance:
Often dismissed by the uninitiated, the Dreamcatcher is the utility knife of Dreamwalking. Many Dreamwalkers tattoo a Dreamcatcher upon their skin to provide permanent access to its power, while others prefer the more conventional hanging design. These are essentially the two different ways one can create a Dreamcatcher: a stand-alone object and a design drawn onto a surface. Both are equally potent, with personal preference and convenience being the only separation between the two.

Regarding design, Dreamcatchers can have varying patterns and weaves in their main 'body', but they will all share similar fundamental traits:
  • Circular boundary
    All Dreamcatchers consist of a circular perimeter, within which lies the main design. This represents the cycle of Brightening and Darkening, and the infinite nature of the conflict between dreams and nightmares.
  • Two-dimensional
    A non-issue with the drawn design style, hanging Dreamcatchers consist of a two-dimensional design woven within a flat, circular frame. This represents the intangible, non-Material nature of the Dreamscape as well as emphasizing the close proximity between the Dreaming and Material Planes.
  • Symmetry
    A Dreamcatcher must have at least one line of symmetry bisecting it. This ensures order in the Dreamcatcher's power, otherwise its effects will become chaotic and unpredictable.
  • The 'Eye'
    More metaphorical than literal, this merely refers to the centre of the design. This is the nexus where the power of the Dreamcatcher is channeled. Dreamcatchers with an 'open' or unadorned centre are used by the Dreamwalkers, whereas those with 'pierced' or impeded centres are used by the Twisted.

The Dreamcatcher - Uses:
  • On its own, a Dreamcatcher is used to ease the owner's passage from wakefulness to sleep. Conversely, the owner finds waking up much easier.
  • When blessed by a follower of Kaimelea, the Dreamcatcher will protect the owner from nightmares, acting as a Walker Ward against Risthal and her Twisted.
  • When combined with the Velrondan ability to summon Dream Denizens, the Dreamcatcher creates a portal within a dream that leads into the Plane of Dreams, accessible only to the Denizens themselves. Dreamwalkers who try to cross through the portal will find themselves walking out of the portal in the same direction they went in.
  • Why would you want to send things you created into the plane of dreams? o.O "Here are toys for you to play with Kaimelea!" ?? Confused about the point of that.

  • When used with a Dreamwalker's True Name, that Dreamwalker can be Soul Summoned and trapped within the Dreamcatcher, provided both parties are asleep and dreaming at the time.
The Eye of Cendren:
An ancient and mystic symbol originating in Trelorian Reveries, the Dream Eye was drawn in place around the eyes of the Seers of Cendren in kohl, charcoal, paint or various other form of body-art medium. In recent eras, makeup is a useful alternative to the more traditional mediums.
I'm a dummy. Is kohl a type of drawing medium >_> ??

Essentially, the Eye – an elaborately drawn eye of Kaimelea - will act as a form of revealing device, allowing the Cendren to see a ghostly image of a Dreamwalker's Dream Guise even when on the Material Plane. Useful for detecting fellow tradesmen, as well as allowing them to detect their opposite numbers on the rare occasion the two of them come into contact in the Material Plane.

The benefits of such a device is a double-edged sword; as fellow Dreamwalkers are revealed to you, you potentially reveal yourself to the Twisted. And in a society where anonymity is your greatest defence, this can be a potentially dangerous tool to the wielder.
Avoid using "you". Keep it third person here. "as fellow dreamwalkers are revealed to the Cendren, he is also revealed to the Twisted". etc. Also, defense is misspelled. De-fence is like "Joe was de-fencing his property so that it would be connected with the meadow." Defense is like "Bob is on defense in this soccer play." Additionally, the sentence it is in is a very... big fragment. Take away the And. Sentences shouldn't start with And !

The Shield of Beriadren
A rune that resembles a shield with the eye of Kaimelea in the centre. When drawn onto an object or person in a dream, it becomes impervious to Dreamweaving. Only able to be used by the Beriadren.
How long does this last?

The Sword of Manadhren
A rune that resembles a sword with the Kaimelean eye for a hilt. This rune empowers a weapon with the ability to cause physical harm to its targets, leaving them with phantom pains where the weapon strikes upon awakening. The weapon will only work for those of the Manadhren.
Cause physical pain... in the dreamscape?

The Staff of Nestadren
A rune that resembles the Kaimelean Eye adorning the head of a staff. Drawn onto an injured party, usually with some sort of liquid or makeup, the rune accelerates the Nestadren’s own healing abilities.

The Amulet of Echadren
A rune that resembles the Kaimelean eye within a pentagram. This rune is usually carved onto some sort of charm or talisman worn by the Echadren, and clarifies the mind, allowing them to visualise their goals more effectively and is what empowers them to harness their full potential.
Pentagrams and Eyes seem like a funny combo that doesn't quite fit to me personally. *shrug*

Visualize is misspelled.
The Dream Threads

An anchor between the mind and body; A portal used by others to draw you together; A vulnerability that can be used to another’s advantage; these are all accurate descriptions of the phenomenon known as Dream Threads.
Back the semicolon train up a sec dude. You're committing all sorts of track switching here ! You capitalized after a semicolon, you shouldn't do that. You are putting a ton of complete sentences that aren't really that related together, and I think the vulnerability one can be reworded to sound less weird. "A vulnerability that can be used by another as an advantage." Maybe put periods instead of semicolons. I would say commas but it is too long that way. Need an english major opinion on this :P

Through meditation, a Dreamwalker can unfocus their concentration from the specific dream they currently inhabit to view the entirety of the Dreamscape from an outside perspective.
Unfocus is not a word. Unfocused is, but unfocus is not. Look it up if you don't believe me !

From there, the Dreamwalker percieves the universe as a cluster of threads, each denoting a sleeping being. The Thread belonging to the Dreamwalker appears attached to them in some way, usually tied around a finger. When a Dreamwalker moves into another dream, that person’s Dream Thread also attaches to the Dreamwalker. It is through the manipulation of Dream Threads that a large majority of the Dreamwalker’s interpersonal skills are worked.
I before E except after C !

Second bold = I dont think thread is capitalized here.

The shades of Dream Threads indicate the subconscious response a Dreamer has to their dream. Essentially, the threads that lead to nightmares are black or dark grey, and light grey or white threads are pleasant dreams.

The thickness of the Thread denotes the strength of the connection between the bearer’s mind and body. The novice telella, as well as those untrained in Dreamwalking have the titular thread, with the thickness of the thread, rope or cable increasing with the level of proficiency in Dreamwalking. Mysticists and those skilled in meditation have Dream Threads marginally thicker than the layman, indicating their affinity with the mind.
Okay, so, don't introduce these words and not define them.

Telella? What is that?

Titular? That means... having a title, but you are using it like thin? So confused.

Mystics is what we call practitioners of Mysticism.

When not meditating, a Dreamwalker cannot sense the multitudes of Dream Threads that float in the Dreamscape, but with concentration, they can sense their own thread, as well as that of the Dreamer they are currently sharing a dream with.
If you meant to use the word titular earlier, then this doesn't make any sense, cause if a dreamwalker has a thread in title only, then what are they sensing?

Dreamwalkers should have threads though, because getting lost forever should be a potential issue, as is just getting severed and becoming Azaru! >_>

Soul Summoning:
Whilst dreaming, a Dreamwalker is able to mentally scan the Dreamscape through meditation, sensing the billions of Dream Threads that connect dreaming souls to their bodies in the Material Plane. By uttering the name of a Dreamer, A Dreamwalker will see the corresponding thread of said Dreamer light up, glowing substantially brighter than its surrounding threads. By mentally 'tugging' on a Dream Thread, the Dreamwalker will be similarly 'tugged' to the targets side. This process of meditation, searching and finding particular dreams is what takes up a large proportion of the darkening for Dreamwalkers, and is how they find the nightmares to ‘save’ their inhabitants from.
First bold - A is not capitalized here.
Second bold - Target's is possessive of side.

I like the image idea I get from reading this though.

If a precise search of the Dreamscape is required, the Dreamwalker attempts a Soul Summoning. Speaking the name of the Dreamer will cause their subconscious to react, making their Dream Thread glow and shine in the eyes of the Dreamwalker. Due to the sheer volume of Dream Threads present in the Dreamscape at any one time, it may take an initiate of Dreamwalking upwards of half a candlemark to locate the glowing Dream Thread, whereas the Ontaro – lords and ladies of the five Houses – usually only require a handful of minutes. Once the thread is discovered, a mental 'tug' is all that is required for a Dreamwalker to 'pull' them into the dream. If, within a dream, a Dreamwalker is summoned in such a way, they will see their own thread glowing and shining. Through force of will, the Dreamwalker can suppress the glow, preventing others from locating them.
Okay the first part of this is deja vu. You just told me that. I think either this section needs to go up until the point where you mention the Ontaro (which is a new word but at least you're defining it now) needs to go. No need to repeat yourself.

Skill Tree

There are three ‘ranks’ of ability amongst Dreamwalkers. Listed here are the Trelorean names for them, as Dreamwalking is only new to Aelyria in the last dozen eras, whereas Kaimelea has been worshipped amongst the elves for millenia.
Worshiped has one P.
I don't think millenia is the correct time for Aelyria, since it means thousands of years. Why not say, "thousands of eras" instead? I don't know what the word for that would be in Aelyria but I don't think this is the right one. ^^

Those in the transitory stage where they have not yet been welcomed into a House are known as the Telella, or ‘children’.

This definition needs to go up higher because you used Telella earlier but didn't tell us what that was at all.

The Telella:
  • Dreamwalk
    The Dreamwalker is now able to move away from their personal dream and explore the Dreamscape. They will not have access to the dreams of the more powerful races of Telath, such as Lamia, Dragons and Ancient Aelyrians, but the vast majority of the Dreamscape is theirs for the exploring.
  • I would say entering the dreams of a mystic is difficult if not impossible as well?

  • Dreamweave
    The Dreamwalker's understanding of Dream Essence grows over time to become sufficiently advanced for them to begin shaping the dreams and nightmares of others. Objects formed out of Dream essence look, feel, taste, smell and sound exactly as the Dreamwalker imagines them to - with practice – although aside from the Echadren, most Dreamwalkers struggle to animate anything more advanced than wild animals. Anything created from Dream Essence will be 'locked' into the form the Dreamwalker desires, unless it is forced into a new form or if the Dreamwalker that shaped the essence leaves the dream. In that instance, the Dream Essence will revert to its inert, invisible state.
  • Dream Guise
    The subconscious wishes and desires can manifest within the Dreamscape, imprinting themselves upon the Dreamer. It is usually the positive aspects of their subconscious that manifest, however it is not unheard of that a Dream Form hints at darker sides to the bearer’s past. This manifestation changes the Dreamwalkers appearance, voice and even personality, turning them into the one thing their subconscious desires them to be.
  • Dreamwalker's is possessive of appearance.

  • Homing Instict
  • Instinct.

    A Dreamwalker must be in their own personal dream to leave the Dreamscape and awaken. For Dreamwalkers, this would be a problem if not for the fact that they are constantly aware of their dreams presence while Dreamwalking and instictively know where to find it within the infinite space of the Dreamscape. This is because their Dream Thread constantly exerts a gentle, passive pulling upon their minds that draws them back to their personal dream whenever they try to leave it.
    Dream's is possessive of presence.

    I think the further the dreamer they are entering is from their sleeping location the less they feel the pull, making traversing half way across the Kingdom as a novice a bad idea. Don't want to get lost, right?

The Veronda:
  • Warp Time
    The Dreamwalker can speed up or slow down time within a dream in comparison to reality, making a minute within the Material Plane stretch out into eras or compress down to the blink of an eye.
  • Walker Ward
    The Dreamcatcher can now be made to repel Twisted, an individual that the drawer knows the name of, or even Dreamwalkers in general besides the caster. Those individuals that try to enter a dream or nightmare that is 'protected' in this way will feel nausea and headaches that will become progressively worse the longer they trespass.
  • Summon Dream Denizen
    Often there comes a time where a Dreamwalker requires sentient life besides themselves within a dream, but does not have access to the powers of the Echadren. For most cases such as this, the Dreamwalker creates a portal using a Dreamcatcher between the dream and Kaimelea’s realm, through which the denizens of her realm may enter. The advantage of this, aside from not requiring an Echadren, is that an unlimited amount of denizens may enter the dream, many more than the stamina of most Echadren can handle. The disadvantage is that unlike sentience created by an Echadren, Denizens are not compelled to follow the Dreamwalker’s orders and must be convinced to do as bidding. This, coupled with the shapeshifting abilities of Dream Denizens, can prove to be quite a headache for Dreamwalkers if the Denizens prove uncooperative.
  • I like this idea.

  • Dream Sense
    Once ascended, the Velronda are able to sense Dreamwalkers and Twisted, distinguishing them from the 'unenlightened' Dreamers and non-entities around them within a Dream. Usually just a feeling, Ontaro are able to identify such entities upon visual contact.
An L has appeared in this word where it hasn't previously.

The last sentence feels like a fragmented idea.

All dreamwalkers being able to identify them upon sight seems a bit overpowered, I will have to counter this in my dream possession writeup if it stays in.


The Ontaro:
  • Dreamwalk Mastery
    The Dreamwalker now has completely unrestricted access to the Dreamscape. They can visit the dreams of Lamia, Dragons, Ancient Aelyrians and other powerful races. Most Ontaro are also granted access to Kaimelea’s realm if they ask for it, such is her faith in their loyalty.
  • Sleepwalk
    The Ontaro are able to transcend their powers into reality, making the target’s body susceptible to harm. They do this by strengthening the link between the target's body and mind to the point where the sleeping body will mimic movements made by their dream self. Injury and strenuous activity may awaken the target.
Overall, I like the concept. We may need to do an OOC Crib sheet for moderators, and express that a GM+ will have to do these threads where they are given these abilities, since Kaimelea is involved and it is such a touchy subject. Basically, the idea being, not everyone can access this by self mod etc. And it is so long I'm not sure everyone will have the stamina to read it. It took me quite a few hours to go through it like that, but I was also looking for mistakes.

Question now becomes, should I start Dream Possession, or wait until you get feedback on yours to start drafting? You know I will have to make counter measures for the Twisted, although they wont have anything like your "houses" etc.^^

Anyway there are my comments. Take em or leave em for what they are.

Except don't leave the grammar comments and spelling comments! ;p


Nactau Iallea'ryn, the Baroness of Box-Stack
- I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed; I get along with the voices inside of my head...
"It was written that I should be loyal to the nightmare of my choice."

- CIR - SoF - Risthal - The Twisted -
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